Sister Vomit

I hate my sister the way I should hate my dad. Or even my mom. But the truth is, I pine for my mother's attention. I don't really care when it comes to my dad. However my sister, I hate.

As far as my dad is concerned, I think he's lucky I don't hate him. But so am I. I mean the energy wasted on hate... Why bother?
I know he thinks it his "fault" I'm gay.
I would never give him the credit.
I respect his financial advice.

I hated my mom for a long time. I guess until she apologized about four years ago for not leaving him. Now I'm just sad that she still favors the disappointment of her loins.

I mean seriously. She's a royal fuck up!
I looked so up to her...

In hindsight, I guess I could see how a little girl following you around all the time could get a little annoying, but who wouldn't want to be worshipped? I worshipped her. I really wanted her to like me.

I realized a few years back that I measured everything to what she liked, even then. I hadn't spoken to her in years, but still, whenever shopping, I would subconsciously ask myself "would she like it? ". How about "do I like it?" I measured everything up to her, and then, she no longer measured up.

Yesterday was her birthday. The last one in her 30's. Why do I even remember? I hate that I care at all. What a waste of energy.

I'm not going to go into the reasons why I hate her. After all, she has more than a few reasons to hate me. I just needed to get it out! Vomit and leave. Because seriously, the disappointment is exhausting.